MaeMae

June 7, 1934 – December 24, 2021

You died
Christmas Eve morning,
of all times

This after insisting
In the way only you could
That the holidays would not be sad
We knew.
We knew.
Your time was near
But we never guessed
it was
that
near

Our confusion
Was your fault
You see, you always did
Exactly
What you said you would do
So we knew
You would never do
Anything
To make Christmas sad

Despite you leaving us
On that holy day
We tried our best
To obey you
One last time
To keep Christmas
From being sad
Even though sadness
And pain
Lurked behind every bow
Every ornament
And, of course, every angel

Five months
It’s been five months
Of picking up the phone
To call or text
To ask a question
Only you can answer
Only you can’t
Answer
Now

My tears
They are stubborn
They will not fall
As much as I miss
You
As much as I love
You
They will not fall

I think of
You
In heaven
Planting flowers
Seeing your friends
Seeing Bud
– Oh, sweet reunion
Seeing God’s face

That’s not my throat burning
Those aren’t my wet eyes
Those aren’t
My tears
Rolling down
My face
Wetting
The top of my dress

No, my tears are stubborn
They will not fall
As much as I miss
You
As much as I love
You

I cannot cry
I cannot feel it
I cannot let grief
Touch me
The pain
Is
Too great